It is hard to express yourself clearly when what you say is repeatedly dismissed.

How well we express ourselves depends to a large extent on the people we speak with, whether we choose them or have no choice in the matter. The way they respond can shape how we express ourselves more than knowledge or deliberate practice.

When someone’s words are repeatedly dismissed, ignored, or mocked, they may develop an insecure attachment. Speaking, once a safe way to explore the world, comes to carry the risk of rejection. To preserve the relationship, they may speak vaguely or tentatively, or cast doubt on their own words before anyone else can. Leaving what they say open to interpretation gives them room to retreat and protects them from being defined and torn down on the basis of a single statement.

Dismissing what someone says invalidates their feelings and calls into question their right to interpret their own experience.

Can we take this a step further? Can the clarity with which we speak tell us something about how power is arranged in the relationships we inhabit?